


The Way of the Log

by Dunuelos



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:56:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20303065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunuelos/pseuds/Dunuelos
Summary: Harken on to the word of the Log. An attempt at a humorous look at the reverence all real Leaf Ninja hold for the Log. Suggestions for additions requested.





	1. Way of the Log: The Senju Scroll

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tales of Uzumaki Naruto](https://archiveofourown.org/works/889921) by [crazy2james](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazy2james/pseuds/crazy2james). 

> In some Naruto fanfics, I have found references to The Log as a source of reverence. For example, Tales of Uzumaki Naruto by crazy james. I find it hilarious. I thought for sure that there might be some fic out there which laid out for my and others' amusement The Way of the Log. And upon searching for such - I couldn't find any. I thought SOMEONE would have done so at some point.
> 
> This work should in no way be taken as anything other than humor. I know that some may find some offense in the style and the wording and the possibility that I might be making fun of the Bible. I assure you I am not. This is my foray in to humor on this subject.
> 
> Also of note: I only wrote the Book of Senju one of the Psalms of the Log so far. I will need much help from all Naruto fans who might have a talent for writing such. I saw some in a fic somewhere which I can't find. Possibly a VFSnake fic? Anyway - I welcome messages with ideas for more things to add to this work.
> 
> Naruto & Naruto Shippuuden © Masashi Kishimoto, Shonen Jump, Studio Pierrot, TV Tokyo, & Shueisha. Any characters or materials used which refer to characters/material owned by those above are being used under fair use. No profit is being made by the author of this work.

Harken on to the word of the LOG.

At the beginning of the world, I grew and flourished. I provided shade to the weary and protection to the small creatures that sought shelter from the ravening predator.

Earth provided the nourishment so that I could become strong. Water provided the path for me to take the nourishment and so became my blood. Fire did cleanse unhealthy growths so that I could become renewed. Wind took my seed and spread it far and wide. Lightning struck and separated me from other parts of myself and allowed me to become what I am. I am the LOG.

For ages and aeons did I provide my body so that people could cook their food, make their tools, and find shelter from both predators and elements.

And a child was born. I blessed this child with the power to combine the elements needed to make me anew. And when this child grew and beget more children did the power to combine the elements flourish and so I could provide more shelter, tools, and nourishment to the people.

At one time, the power did not seem to breed true. This was taken to mean that the child without the power was not blessed. However, I am not so petty. At that time the power was not needed, and so I allowed it to lapse. The people became worried. But it was found that the child's child COULD call forth the power again. And so the people knew that I had not forsaken them.

In the deep reaches of time did the clans of people become practiced in the art of war. And at times my children and those they protected would become attacked. On one such occasion, did one of my children become endangered. And beset by many enemies did that one pray to me for guidance. And so I allowed my child to replace my body with his and move him out of danger. When the enemies' vision clear after their attack, they saw that my child was not dead upon the ground. He had escaped and their surprise allowed my child to defeat them, though there were many of them and only one of my children present.

When my child returned to his clan, he told of his experience and praised me. And so I allowed the child to teach others so that they too could bask in my protection thus.

Such was the way that my word was passed forth.

And others saw the protection that I provided and the warmth that I allowed and the nourishment I gave. And seeing my children basking in my protection did others learn their methods. And the others used many things with this method. The rocks among the hills. The tools amongst themselves. Even other people whom did not know of me. However, none were so protected as those that used my body when they asked for my help.

And soon my children became responsible for so many that one of them decided to hide them amongst my presence. And he called my body forth many times from the earth and allowed the leaves that are my hair and clothing to provide shade and protection from their enemies. This child, greatest amongst all my children, worked tirelessly, day and night, for weeks and weeks. And finally, when he was done, a great forest was all that my children's enemies could find when they searched for my children and those they protected.

I have protected many, and allowed many to live. Not only among my children and those they protect. Even among the creatures that fly through the air and crawl along the ground are those that I have protected and allowed to flourish. And in on such area of the forest that my children grew, did I allow the largest and the most vicious. These were placed in such a way that my children and those they protected could test themselves and learn to fight against their enemies. And my children took this area and cordoned it off. And they labeled it for what would come should the unpracticed come amongst my body there.

And though at times none of my children might have the power to call forth my body at will, the fact remains that I protect my children and those they protect. All that is required is that I am respectfully asked for aid. And I will provide my body for protection.

I am the LOG.


	2. Psalm

Psalms of the Log

* * *

Worry NOT should you not see me, for at the moment of direst need shall I appear to take your place so that I may protect you and keep you safe.


	3. The Holy Log and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another log worshipper DID create a story. The user is FF u/2570934/ThatReallyReallyWierdDude and his story I highly recommend FF SUID 6473185
> 
> The following was contributed to me by FF u/2372569/werd-me

"Birth of Konoha, verse 5

The Holy Log and I

A beginners guide for the ways of the Log

This guide is for the beginning Log acolyte with a small amount of commandments and and tips to start with your training in to the ways of the Log

From the Book of the Holy Log these commandments were given to the very first Log Pope - a ninja called Woody - by the Great Tree of Life which still stands to the day in Rogugakure (Village Hidden in the Log), the epicenter of all Log believers.

Commandments

1 Thou shalt never hurt a Log purposely.

2 Thou shalt take care of the Log and the Log shalt take care of thee.

3 Every 365 Moon Cycles thou shalt make a crusade to the Great Tree and make an offering so the Log will prosper.

4 When thou commits heresy thou will be transformed to a disgraced Log and will burn Eternally in the unholy fires of Hell.

5 When thou has died and lived the ways of the Log dutifully thou shalt take place in the afterlife in the Forest of Life.

These are the Primary Commandments and you must obey them always. When your training progresses you shall learn more of them.

Nevertheless here are tips to live by the Log:

1) Always use Rice Paper. Using Log Paper is frowned upon.

2) At least pray thrice a day to the Great Tree.

3) Try, with thy utmost effort, to spread the Holy Teachings of Log.

4) When evil is committed to an Log commit justice to the heretic. ( Keep in mind that 95% of the world are disbelievers and that these rules are not used in the government system so act discretely.)

5) When you make an offering to the Great Tree always be respectful , even if the Great Tree does not answer.

6) Thy will find a companion in a Log with which thee should go everywhere, and it shalt become thy travelers Log.

7) Where Holy life sap is spilled plant a seed there so a tree may prosper there.

8) When writing the apology to the Log who saved your life name at least 5 reasons why you could not act otherwise.

9) When a log Priest or Pope is nearby greet him and the Log he carries.

10) If you follow the ways dutifully the Log Pope may grant you with some life sap of the Greet Tree itself! Drink it and may you be closer to the Tree and the Log.

11) When one of the messengers of the Tree itself is nearby bow for him for the Great Log Sage will only grace the holiest of worshipers with his advice, whether through messenger or not.

12) Embrace the Squirrel Summons as your companions if they grace you with their presence.  
All in all these basic rules and tips are a great start to begin with the ways of the Log but remember there is always more to learn."


	4. Practices of the Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fellow Worshipper of the Log, Werd Me, messaged me with the following. It contains many references to The LOG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments
> 
> Position: Log Worshiper
> 
> Possible Book of Log Positions:
> 
> Log Worshiper: Beginning position. No requirements
> 
> Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story
> 
> Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log
> 
> OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews
> 
> OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.)

Practices of the Log

Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.

Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.

For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five saplings.

For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten saplings.

For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.

For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant twenty-five saplings.

'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.

and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.'

-book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'

-book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.

you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.'

-book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'

-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.

-book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'

-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.

For the log is with thee, my friend. The most holy of the forest, shall save thee. Shall be thy salvation! And yet, the log asks for nothing in return.

(Contributed by Margulide)

"Respect the sacrifice of the log that you may continue your life! You have been spared for another chance! Nurture the Life Giving Living Sap that flows within the depths of the LOG! For the log has saved countless and will save countless more!"

(Contributed by Reader-Of-Many)

The log is my savior; I shall not char.

It burneth in my stead: it protecteth me from the flames.

It confoundeth mine enemies: it covereth mine escape.

Yea though I walk through the compounds of Uchiha, I will fear no katon; for thou art with me, thy bark and thy sap they shieldeth me.

Thou provideth me with shielding from the kunai of my enemies: from their shuriken and their wrath; my gratitude is never ending.

Surely splinters and termites shall folllow me all my ninja life, but I shall remain devoted to The Log forever!

\- Log Oath #23

(Contributed by Kaori)

"As the two titans clashed, the world stood at stand still. The black flame of the heretic Uchiha Madara blazing fiercely against the holy life-giving power of the Log Pope Senju Hashirama. As the ebony flame threatens to vanquish the divination of the Holy Log, it all came to naught as the Shodai Hokage drew all of his power to quench the abomination, thus ending the terror which threatened the continuity of the blessing from the holy sap."

(Contributed by Desphere)

"For as much as it hath pleased The Log of its great mercy to take unto itself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, branches to branches, trunk to trunk; in sure and certain hope of the return to eternal life, through our savior the Log, who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto its glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby it is able to subdue all things to itself. "

(Contributed by Djinn Crimsora)

"As the seventh moon cycle passed, the Holy Log Pope begged for help from the gods, and his please was justly answered. Bathed in light, Hashirama Senju took up the powers of the log, and as the light left him, he saith, "Let there be logs."'

Birth of Konoha, verse 5


	5. Uzumaki Scroll

Uzumaki Scroll

In the deepness of time, did we make our home upon an island surrounded by the maelstroms of the sea.

As we lived and fought and loved, did one of us come to understand the arcane powers of ink and blood. This one taught others of us and did we practice such arts until none were more versed in these arts than those of us who hid among the whirlpools surrounding our home.

Now, for many years did we become targets for others so that they could force us to teach them our arts. Others railed against our power and only wished for us to be destroyed. At times we were caught up in ambushes and we lost a fair number to these others.

Not all who lived upon the mainland were prone to attacking us. As we traveled and learned some of us came upon a place hidden within the leaves. We were welcomed by these and were taught the ways of the Holy LOG. From amongst those who lived within that place several offered their knowledge and experience in the ways of the LOG and thus some of us came to be protected by the LOG.

With the LOG to protect some of these who had learned the way of the LOG traveled among those others who lived upon the mainland, many who would have been lost were saved. And when those who were thus saved returned to us to our island home, they brought word of the LOG and how it had saved them.

Many more of us traveled to the place hidden within the leaves and many who lived among the leaves traveled to our island hidden within the whirlpools. And as we mingled with these others did we form bonds of friendship. Some among us married some of these and thus did we form bonds of family. And when we and they were attacked did we band together and defend one to each other, and this did we form bonds of brotherhood.

And it came to pass that some of these others who lived in various places upon the mainland came toghether in secret to plan our downfall. Those who lived within the rocks, and within the mist and under the lightning did make an unholy compact to plan our downfall. And unannounced did this unholy cadre come upon us and begin to attack us. And so complete was the hidden nature of these plans that none of us nor our brothers within the leaves know of these plans beforehand.

Thus outnumbered and opposed, we were attacked for three days straight. Such numbers came against us that it was obvious that were could not prevent the destruction of our home. And so did we seal with ink and blood our secrets and our past and did those who could fight lay down their lives so that those who could not could escape and scatter to other lands and other places.

When our brothers and sisters within the leaves come to us with all haste once they learned of this attack, it was days too late. And they gazed upon the ruins of our home and wept and those of us who had come to be protected by our brothers and sisters wept. And in rememberence of us, those highly placed among our brothers took our sign and colored red as our fallen blood did they add our sign to theirs to remember their brothers and sisters who had lived amongh the whirlpools.

We are scattered now among all the lands. Among our brothers and sisters, among our enemies, among those who had and have no knowledge of us are we scattered. Our secrets and knowledge are also scattered, or hid away using ink and blood until one who comes from us can grow in power enough to call us home.

Until that day, will we hold rememberence for the WHIRLPOOLS and reverence for the LOG. Some have said that our divided reverence for these was the cause of our destruction. But we know it is not the case. The LOG knows that we are true and remaining true the LOG will keep us until we are called home.


	6. The Nara Testament

In the times before, did we have to work and strive to protect ourselves and make our lives better. Through long experience did we find that working with others meant more work overall BUT less work INDIVIDUALLY. And this was good.

Some around us herded cows and some around us raised pigs and some around us gathered the fish from the sea. And although this meant that there was less hunger, it was a lot of work. Cows must be penned and lands must be tilled to feed them. Pigs must be fed almost constantly. And the gathering of the animals of the sea involved much labor, sometimes in weather that was very troublesome.

And so we gathered ourselves together and discussed this. We, after all, found that others around us and our womenfolk harped and nagged to provide meat and sustenance. And we were not tillers of the soil, nor did we relish the work of looking after cows and pigs constantly, nor did we find joy in working on small boats in rough weather to catch things from the sea.

And one of our members pointed out that there were many deer. These seemed to thrive off of the land and within the forests and we didn't have to find new ways to feed them - although watching the grass grow was very relaxing.

Though deer were numerous and it was not hard work to find them, it was very hard work to chase them down. And gathered we together once more to discuss this. Now, one of us had traveled to other places and learned of the LOG. He had learned to ask the LOG its protection and the techniques that were used to provide such.

We discussed this among ourselves and we came upon a method to use these techniques and shadow to hold the deer when needed so that it was less work to gather them. For what is more plentiful in a wooded area whether in the day or night than shadow?

And so we learned to praise the LOG for teaching us such things. The LOG can be quite quiet and rarely intrudes upon our lives. The LOG provides the lichen and the moss to feed the deer and the LOG provides the shadow needed to use our techniques to catch the deer. The LOG provides its body for our protection and our livelihood.

Praise be to the LOG for making the world a less troublesome place.


	7. Proverbs and Visions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thanks to Brother N.U.B., Worshiper of The Log, Finder of Lost Works, Ambassador of The Log To Other Fandoms for his contributions to the the Way of the Log

-Proverbs of the Log

Blessed be the Children whom revel among mine Leaves; they shall be shielded

Blessed be the Ninja whom flow over my branches as shadows; I will answer their call for help

Blessed be the People whom feel my soothing shade and thank me; they shall never burn

Blessed are the Reverent of the Log; for they shall rejoin the Great Forest at the moment of their Felling

* * *

The Visions of Konohamaru Sarutobi chapter 5 verses 35-39

…And I saw Great Logs Surrounded me, and upon each Log a name shown Bright and Proud. Hashirama… Hiruzen… Naruto. And lo beyond the congregation of Holy Logs stood one alone flanked by two smaller Logs. On these smaller Logs were the names stunned me, Yahiko and Konan, the Martyered Prophet and Fallen Angel. However, it was the center and largest Log that held my attention; This Log Bared the name of the Lost Saint… The Redeemed Sage! Nagato Pain!


End file.
